Thousand Mile Wish
by GetOutOfMyHead
Summary: COMPLETE! Severus is hurt beyond words. It always seems, just when he starts to trust someone, they betray him. Will he ever be able to forgive Remus? INSPIRED by a song, not BASED on. I removed the lyrics that was chapter five, just so you know. R&R!
1. Painful Partings

Thousand Mile Wish

_Inspired by Finger 11's song _Thousand Mile Wish_. See where I got the title? Original, eh? But yea, listen to it, it's awesome. Some of you may not see how they're similar. That's because you suck. I wasn't going to make this a story, but my sister nagged at me until I did. Enjoy. Or, like I say occasionally, don't, your choice._

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**Chapter 1**

It was often said amongst the student body that he was heartless. If that was true he must be imagining this sensation.

Pain ripped through him. His thought processes seemed to have sped up and stopped at the same time, creating a broken record of speeding words. He sat heavily in a soft, green chair. His favourite chair. Oddly, it offered no comfort at the moment. He stared at the fire, his face blank of emotion.

"Severus?" a voice asked shakily. So familiar, yet at the moment it was completely alien. Who was he really? And had Severus ever really known him?

"Severus," the voice said again. He'd thought he'd known him. "Severus." Desperately this time. "Gods, Severus, I'm so sorry. I'm so-"

"How long?" Severus Snape asked.

A long beat of silence. "Two months, about two months," he answered. His voice was still shaking. Good. Let him feel some pain too.

Severus swallowed thickly. "Why?" There was no quiver in his voice, no emotion on his face. He was completely numb. It wouldn't last.

"I don't know," he whispered. "I honestly don't know."

_I don't need this now, _thought Severus. _I've got too much to do to deal with this too._ OWLS and NEWTS were coming up. Odd how he cold think of such a mundane thing as this when his heart was being ripped apart. People are indeed curious things.

Severus took a deep breath through his nose. "Get out," he said, releasing it.

His head shot up and his neck cricked. "But Severus, we need to talk about this!" he said, sounding shocked.

"We have." Severus could feel the numbing effects of his initial shock wearing off. He leaned forward and put his face in his hands. Another breath. "Get-out."

"But-"

"Did I stutter?" Snape demanded, raising his head, all his pain and hurt etched in his eyes. "Get out, Lupin."

Remus' heart nearly stopped at the coldness in Severus' voice, at being called 'Lupin; for the first time in years. He swallowed the lump in his throat and rose, moving towards the door.

He stopped with his hand on the knob. "I'm sorry, Severus; I didn't mean for this to happen," he said, desperate to get these words out before their fate lines were ripped apart. "It just… did." He turned back towards Severus; still in the chair by the fire; still staring at him, each emotion visible, and each another stab at Remus' heart. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice shaking. "I… I love you…"

Severus put his face back into his hands. He wanted to believe that. Gods, how he wanted to believe it. "Leave," he managed to whisper around the lump in his throat. Remus didn't get it. _Just go. Get out. What the hell is the matter with you?_

As soon as the door closed behind Remus, Severus let down his walls. He raged at the stars outside the window, broke a lamp, smashed pictures of them.

Eventually he came down and fixed everything. He passed out on the couch; the same couch they'd had their first kiss on; the same couch that they'd made out on innumerable times; the same couch where Severus had finally opened up, shared his emotions and past. He slept, the scent of Remus' aftershave intoxicating his troubled dreams, comforting and painful. He slept.


	2. Recollections

_**A.N:** I'm not going to be home in able to update this weekend, so I'm doing it today. Mom's sick, so I'm home to help out. _

_**Hipa** was my first (online) reviewer, so hipa's my favourite. LOL_

_**Britt, **I didn't make you sound like a bitch. I made you sound like its thanks to you that I finished it, therefore you can't be a bitch. I'm locking my door tonight and taking the quarter._

**_MoroTheWolfGod, _**_thanks for reviewing. It makes me very happy. I only have 3 reviews on my other story, and it has 6 posts so far. Tear_.

_**Speaking of**, my other story is called Lost Unity, and only _XxRoGuExHeArTxX_ has reviewed it (online) so she's my favourite on that one. HOWEVER, if I get more reviews on it, I may have several favourites (hint hint). LOL_

_Enjoy!_

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Severus Snape leaned back in his chair and stretched. The exams were complete. Tomorrow he would bring in the written OWLs and NEWTs and begin those. He smiled faintly to himself, pleased.

Plus, he reminded himself, the little bastard children would be gone in eight days. Then he could go home and relax. That reminded him of something…

Oh. That.

Next week would have been Remus and his one-year anniversary. His mood plummeted instantly, and he wondered what he'd done with that bottle of fire whiskey.

He walked slowly to the ingredient cabinet, moved it and went through the hidden doorway to his chambers. The same chambers where, not even a full month ago, his heart had shattered.

He found the whiskey in his room sitting on his dresser. He didn't remember putting it there. He went back to the living room to finish it off. It wasn't enough to get much of a buzz, but it numbed a little.

He stewed in his thoughts for almost an hour before he decided to go to bed. On the way he stopped outside the second bedroom. It had never been used that way; Severus rarely had guests, and certainly never ones that stayed that night… except Remus, but there had been room enough for two in Severus' bed. Not needing the second bedroom, Severus had long since gotten rid of the furniture and changes it into a studio. Few people knew of his passion for art, which rivalled his passion for potions.

He entered the studio now, and the candles lining the walls instantly spluttered to life, throwing long, moving shadows along the floor. At the back of the room were canvases of all sizes, of scenery, people, still lifes. The largest was a view of the mountains around Hogwarts. Along one wall were sculptures, all unfinished clay. Along the other were shelves, piled high with tools; pastels, chalk and oil; paints, water colours mostly, but there were some acrylics; brushes that ranged fro the finest you could find to large ones, the kind one used on walls; many sharp and rounded objects, for sculpting and scratchboard. Several shelves also held books of all sizes, about different styles and types of art, a couple from Remus on Muggle artists and styles, and biographies on some of the most famous. Had several on the 1700's goblin painter Clawfoot, who painted with his enemies blood, and Eugene Sherb, a wizard form the earlier part of the 1600's who specialized in acrylic paints.

The last wall happened to be his favourite. Half of it was also shelved, but the openings were only about an inch and a half wide. This is were his pastel compositions went. The half not blocked by the shelves had a desk, which could be tilted up while working. Currently discarded on it were his failed attempts at scratchboard. They were terrible in his opinion, but Remus had quite liked them. Remus was one of two people, the other being Dumbledore, his school-bound sanctuary.

He wondered around, looking over his works, criticizing and evaluating. He stopped in front of an acrylic he had done just this last Christmas. It was of the mountains near his home at sunset; he'd done it from his roof. It was a Muggle style called Impressionist- made out of dots of colour, not necessarily in any order. There were no definite, hard lines. It was Remus' favourite. Severus had been going to give it to him for his birthday.

Severus left the room, his heart heavy and his throat tight. He searched the cupboards until he found a bottle of brandy. He drank the entire thing and passed out on his bed, a picture of a smiling and happy couple under his hand.


	3. Sorrow and Guilt

_**A.N:** Thank you sweet baby jesus, it's the holidays! I'm so happy! /tear/ LOL _

_So no more school for two weeks. Happy happy joy joy!_

_Mmmm, sandwich._

_So, I have very little to bitch about (except people not reviewing Lost Unity, but that's not new), and am in an exceptionally good mood, especially after the freak out I had this week. That was ugly. /shudder/ So anyway, my personals:_

_**CC: **It's called 'artists privilege'. Suck it up. This is a FanFic site, therefore it's what the writers want it to be like. Artists privilege._

**_rgFaNaTiC_**_I love you Bubba!!!_

_**Hipa: **Yes, I love art. I'm also fully convinced that SS is an artist too. That's why in mine, he is. In Lost Unity he's a different kind of artist. That's my artists privilege._

_Second last chapter. Be proud I pulled that much out, because, like Bubba pointed out, it's a short song. (I love her review) Enjoy!_

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Thousand Mile Wish

Chapter 3

Remus Lupin leaned his forehead on the window. The glass was oddly cool, considering how warm it was outside. His body throbbed. In only a few hours it would stop. He would transform, be the wolf, and he wouldn't have to remember anything for a while. He wouldn't have to think.

Until then, however, there wasn't anything keeping him from thinking. Nothing blocking his guilt, his pain, his loneliness. He missed Severus so much; his voice, his eyes, his kisses, those rare bouts of laughter.

Remus sighed and moved away from the window. He didn't want to see sunset. It always reminded him of Severus' paintings, especially the winter one. His favourite one.

Remus made his way to the kitchen and forced down a sandwich. He felt sick. Tonight he missed Severus more than ever. He'd always been there the morning after wit a pot of his healing cream for Remus. Since they'd started seeing each other, anyway. He'd stayed with Remus right up to bare minutes from the transformation, then locked up the cellar of Remus' house where he spent the moons. He hated not being able to take the wolfsbane. He'd started getting reactions to it about a year before. It made both himself and the wolf sick. Not a pleasant thing to wake up to.

Remus tried not to look at the calendar as he went back into the living room. It only reminded him how long it had since he lost Severus, and how close their anniversary was. Three days. Unfortunately it didn't take the calendar to remember.

He sat in the living room, watching the sunspots on the wall slowly move and dim. He wished he could speak to Severus, tell him again how very sorry he was. In all honesty, he still wasn't sure why or how it had happened. Why the hell had he agreed? He'd known he was already seeing Severus. Remus would never have thought he would cheat on anyone he was seeing, especially when he cared about them as much as he did Severus.

Remus stood and went tohis desk. Pulling out a piece of parchment, he took a deep breath. After a moment he began to write. Everything from how happy being with Severus made him, to how horrible being with Chuck made him feel. He wrote about how much he missed him, how much he needed him. By the time he finished he had to run to the cellar and lock it. He felt drained, emotionally and physically. He almost wished he were going to send the page to Severus.

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Hedwig soared in through he open window. Harry and told her that there may not be anyone there when she arrived. She could hear something, like a growling, somewhere below her, very muffled. It didn't pose a threat though, it was too distant.

She dropped the letter on several more, already there in a neat stack. She was about to take off when she stopped. There was an undressed letter beside them. She looked at it for a moment then picked it up. She knew who it was for, and anyways she liked being helpful. Harry always gave her extra treats when she helped a lot.

With that, Hedwig opened her wings and soared out the window into the night sky, taking with her a letter that was never meant to be sent.


	4. Reconciliation

_**A.N. **YAY!!! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! I'M FUCKING EXCITED!!!_

_Ah, that feels good, getting that out of my system. I'm sleepy._

_But anyways._

**_mydracomalfoy_**_you're my favourite now, because you reviewed Lost Unity. Happy Whatever-You-Celebrate!!!_

**_Neral Idazmi_**_It's a great song, You should download it or get the CD, which is entirely awesome as well. Hey, I'd make a good advertiser! Thanks for reviewing, it makes me so happy, you have no idea. Actually it's kinda sad how happy it makes me. LOL_

**_Mikhyel_**_I feel really bad for Severus too. I almost cried when I reread the first chapter. Pathetic much? J_

**_Bluebird161221;_** _Yea, I've always thought he would prolly have an unexpected hobby like painting or some thing artsy. It just seems obvious to me, like Severus and Remus being together, even if in the 3rd movie their not sexy, because their supposed to be, because why else would she focus on how he walks so much if everyone wasn't always looking at his ass, eh? Eh? EH?! I love Allan Rickman, but Sev is supposed to be around 35, not old like him, although he has a super sexy walk, doesn't he? I'll shut up now._

**_MoroTheWolfGod_**_Thanks for reviewing but this is the last chapter. That makes me happy and sad. But oh well, what you gonna do? Not a sequel, I can tell you that much. LOL! Do you like sandwiches? I do. I'm eating one right now. It's yumtacular. Not craptacular, that's for sure. Mmmm, ham._

_**Bubba; **I'm going to fucking kill you. You reviewed __Stay a Little Longer__In the Bleak Midwinter__ and MY story on **MY FUCKING ACCOUNT**. Now it looks like I'm some retard, reviewing my own story, and I can't remove it. We're fighting._

_**Emu: **Here's the thing with me: I don't take criticism unless its interlaced with complements. That's what I mean by _"_bluntness". And I'm serious, it can be painful on the receiving end. Unfortunately I don't have enough time on my hands to research werewolves to put correctness into my stories. Besides, I like a little drama, and you can't do that properly if someone's gonna die from a breakup. Trust me, there is little more I'd like to do than spend the rest of my life researching mythology and mythological creatures, but between school, karate, work, and all that other shit, everybody's lucky I post at all. I'm especially sorry if I offend you at anytime during this response, but I have the fucking flu on fucking Christmas and was up fucking puking last night. So, Samourai swords or not, I feel like bitching. But then at the beginning I said, "Based on Finger 11's song 'Thousand Mile Wish'. See where I got the title? Original, eh?" God I feel like shit. _

_**CC; **If you kept reading sorry for being a bitch, but like I said, artists privilege. Wow, my hands are cold. Matches the current temperature of my heart. OMG, even when I'm sick I'm funny! And don't mind rgFaNaTiC, she's my sister and terribly protective of anyone she's related to, and there's the least bit chance of their pride being hurt._

_But anyways, here's the last chapter, I hope you guys like it. Ignore mistakes please, it's taken me almost two hours to type this out, and my beta is gone at the moment. Ah, sickness!_

_Oh, and it's the last time I get to say this: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE REVIEW LOST UNITY?! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY, CAUSE YOU'RE SUCCEEDING! MYDRACOMALFOY IS MY FAVOURITE!!!_

_Ah, memories._

_Bye bye now._

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Thousand Mile Wish

Chapter 4

As Remus slowly regained consciousness the next morning, he felt the pain of new bites and scratches burning deeply into his skin.. He was dizzy- probably from blood-loss, he realized as he studied the wounds and dried over bites along his torso. What he wouldn't give for a pot of Severus' healing cream right now.

Eventually he stood and crossed over to the door. He gave the password and it swung open, revealing his abandoned clothes (he took them off so as not to rip them) and, to his shock, a pot of healing cream. He sniffed quickly. Yes, Severus had been here. The Potions Master had a very distinctive sent and Remus could smell it even more so at the moment. He put some of the cream on the worst wounds, and dressed, moving as quickly as he could.

As soon as he opened the door at the top of the stairs, his nose was assaulted by the scent of frying bacon and pancakes. His mouth watered as he looked around. No Severus. He went over to the cupboard to get glasses and plates, then utensils, and set the table. He waited. The bacon flipped itself.

Finally Severus entered from the backyard. He glanced at Remus, who smiled faintly, but said nothing. He got the plates of pancakes and bacon, and a bowl of beans, all of which he'd coked himself. Remus had learned that Severus was as Particular about his cooking area as he was his lab or studio.

They served themselves silently, passing plates to each other without a single glance. Remus ate ravagely, starved after the transformation. Severus barely had a bite or two, simply pushing his food around nervously.

When Remus finished he insisted on cleaning up. Severus went back out on the porch to wait. Remus went as fast as possible, throwing out the left overs and leaving the plates and bowl in the sink to soak. He nervously adjusted his shirt to make sure severus wouldn't see how particularly bad it was this month. His eyes strayed around the room and stopped on his desk. He frowned, trying to figure out what was different. He shrugged it off and went outside.

They sat on the porch for a long time, each trying to figure out what to say. Just as Remus was about to thank Severus for breakfast, Severus blurted, "I got your letter."

"What letter?" Remus asked without thinking.

Severus turned to him, looking slightly confused and a little sad. "The one you sent with Potter's owl. The Snowy one."

Remus stared at him. Suddenly it clicked. The change on his desk- the page he'd written was gone and there was an extra letter. "Hedwig," he muttered, not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. He kept his eyes down, not looking at Severus.

"Is it true?" Severus asked.

Remus nodded. "Everything. Every word." Slowly he looked up at Severus, who was staring ahead, his elbows on his knees.

As Remus watched him, he leaned his forehead on his palms. "I still can't figure out why," he said quietly, the unspoken question as loud between them as if they were shouting. _Did I do something wrong?_

Remus winced, remembering that first night. He'd ignored every thought about Severus and just gone with it, going home with Chuck. He didn't know why either- he'd felt guilty and sick about it since that night. Chuck wasn't even that attractive, or fit, or polite, or very good in some unmentionable areas. He was nothing compared to Severus.

And he'd questioned himself constantly. If he really loved Severus, why would he mess around behind his back?

But he knew he loved the Potions Master; as odd as it sounded, it was true, Remus knew it with all his heart. How could he not? Once he'd let go of the past, Severus had proved himself a very loyal and loving mate(1), trusting and trustworthy, even if he didn't often vocalize his emotions.

Remus sighed, feeling his throat start to constrict. He swallowed thickly and said, "There's nothing you did that I didn't like or appreciate, severus. I honestly have no idea why. I love you and I love being with you. I want nothing more than to go back in time and tell him to get lost, that I had the best person I could ask for waiting for me."

Severus listened silently. Remus knew he was hurt, as hurt as he'd ever been, but prayed in his mind that that he could forgive him. They sat in silence for several minutes, the quiet communicating as much as any words could.

Severus' mind was just as busy as the silence. As Remus made his quiet prayers, Severus calculated. He weighed the pros and cons. He judged the situation. He considered different alternatives. He listened to first his mind, which said leave and don't look back, and then to his heart, which was screaming to forgive and forget, begging to hold Remus again. Ultimately, in every war there is a victor.

"Had?" he asked, looking at Remus with a raised eyebrow.

Remus' head snapped up and Severus couldn't help but smile slightly at his expression. They stood and went to each other, clinging tightly. They held on for a long time that day, and for a long time afterward.

The End

_(1) Yea, it said mate. I don't want them to be like stuck together through some freaky deaky bond thing, but he is a werewolf, so he just considers who he's with a mate. If you have a problem with that, think about this: Do you really want to mess with a female with the flu **and **PMSat Christmas who is on little to no sleep because of throwing up? No, I didn't think so. Artists fucking privilege._


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